writer's paradox

I have been reading a lot of notes from many different people. each with a unique style of writing. Till a long time i was shy of writing anything and making it public. i really admired the courage of the 'many' people i have read. The thing which has and will always amaze me is that how writing brings out the altogether different side of the individual- the more emotional, the more serious and best of all the more creative side.
The saying 'to each his own' stands so true in this context. words is all we have and i guess always will. the point of this note is that though it looks a very famous and 'cool' activity, it involves something way beyond that. i just wrote a paper on a topic which didn't really turn me on. If it was just about writing i would have done it without much pain, but it was more than writing a test, it was about the extra knowledge one gains from that task. Me and my fellow mates doing the same task share this feeling. After writing that paper, talent called 'writing' gained a higher status for me. to feel is one thing but to find appropriate words for them is a totally different task. for this you have to have either a great vocabulary or a way with word or both. i have none!
Its refreshing to read fresh thoughts expressed so finely that one is forced to think about it. I have a habit of scribing behind my subject books during my lectures(i personally believe lectures are the only time when our creative side peeps out), and reading it so many times that after a point i cant believe it was my own work. The quotes made on the way to station, the poems wrote in a FC lecture, a song made at a dingy tea stall, a memorable quote from a popular old movie, a line in a random song which clicks just right are just a part of the long list of most creative work done.
all i have gained from reading people's personal, public or just random work is just that each one of us have a Wordsworth or Yeats hiding somewhere in the end of a book or the back of a waste bill!
P.S.- my way of saying 'job well done' to each and every word written by anyone ever!

play

as i sit on one end of the room, i see a huge crowd trying to adjust in a miniature apartment. Each of them knowing their role and the theme. Far but visible is the host, he is not the reason for the gathering or the celebration, but is nevertheless happy. As i look for some time, he smiles at a pretty girl who plays the lead. its her day. she is aware of this fact as you can see her smile at even the chairs and the tables. She has revised her role very well and is delighted with the importance poured on her. I am trying to look nearby for a while. i am surrounded by a group of 3 boys each having a part. they are suppose to be host's friends. each one is impressed with the surrounding. they have worked for their characters for days and though not convincingly but are playing their role with full enthusiasm. they know just the right words and are using their grammar aptly. Then, there are side actors. they don't have a significant part but each of them have been explained their characters well and are giving their best to the little they have. Someone switched on some music, everyone is moving to the beats. the song sequence is very well choreographed so every one has a flair.

i look back at the girl, she now has a glass of wine and a huge smile, which she has been wearing for a long time. Diverging from the crowd i think about the phrase 'wearing a smile'. the girl on the other end to me is actually just wearing her smile, like the pearl necklace on her neck. She surely knows how to carry herself with the glass, the dress and the much discussed smile. after the play ends she might go to her dressing and take off the smile, but for now she wears it.

Felling claustrophobic and bored with the repeating dialogues and slow pace of the play, i look outside the window. Just like all other nights, the sky is black, the moon is white and stars, insignificant. the people on the streets don't know about the play they are part of some other acting group and are keeping to themselves. just across the window, there is another stage with a different play going on, I've missed the beginning i suppose. there is a princess standing on her balcony, blowing bubbles to call her prince. i was trying to remember the fairytale i had read this story in, when one of the extras starts practicing his dialogues with me. At first i just stare at him as i bring myself back to the play but slowly i catch up with him. I suppose he has ended his conversation and is now waiting for my comment. With a sympathetic look, i ask him to work harder. he looks disappointed, i suppose he has practiced the lines many times and is unsatisfied with the reactions.

I think of walking away from the set, when the protagonist holds my hand and gives me the smile she now seems to be tired of. I don't know what to say so i repeat the lines every other extra artist was asked to say. she didn't catch me but sat beside me for a while. she is best among her peer, one of the reason for her to be playing the lead, i suppose.

Although coming to this play was my decision, but i seem to regret it. i guess i should have gone to that other place showing Sherlock Holmes instead of attending A Birthday Party!

and so i start.

its 1:30 i am suppose to be sleeping as i have an early journey tomorrow but caught this blogging fever from a near and dear one. i created my blog long ago but didn't have anything in mind to write. i am missing a cup of coffee to get me started but here i am anyways.

(i was just going through the blogs of someone i know for a long time, its amazing how i came across an altogether different side of that individual in the blogs.)

There is a gazhal with line - apni marzi se kahan apne safar pe hum hain, ruk hawaoin ka jidhar ka hain udhar ke hum hain, these line say so much with such simplicity that one cant help thinking about it again and again. i believe i shall put forward my introduction with it , i am just another indian kid studing some random course for the sake of it.
if you are looking for negativity of indian education system then now is the time when you should stop.
i am grateful to a system where one has to not think about their future a lot. everything is served on a platter and as the options are few, its easier to choose. its a boon for people like me who have nothing they can boast of. i am a jack of all trades and king of none. i am an individual with nothing unusual. i am so normal and untalented that it makes me think if its normal or a talent.
i am not saying that i lack something its just that i don't have anything that makes me superior to others. you might pass it as my modesty or ignorance but i firmly believe the hardest part of one's life is to find that one thing which makes him or her different than others. i am yet to find that uncommon side..... that not so known side.

and so here i start blogging hoping to find a different side of me

P.S. motivate me by commenting